There is a boy. He makes me smile.

?

So the musical is over now. It really was a lot of fun, even if i wanted to strangle people at times. I'd do it all again even.. I wish i could do it all again... =( But it was the last time i'll be able to work with all those fantastic kids that i love so much. AJ, Emily, Calen, Bre, Liz, Aaron, Kelly, Kevin, Ali, Sam, Amber, Ashley, Carrie, Shannon.. oy the list could go on and on.. But you guys are absolutely amazing.. I'll miss you all so much! You've made all the stress completely worth while! <3<3

Other than that not a whole lot is new. I should get to sleepy cuz i gots ta work tomorrow. fun stuffs. G'nite everyone and much love!

Happy Valentine's Day!

You know I love every last one of you! (most of the time )

But.. more importantly....

Happy one month till Foiled drops!

Bad weekend.

I'm entirely capable of inflicting death right now. it wont be pretty when he comes back.

Other than that I'm losing interest in a lot of things, I'm not really sure why. I dont really want to do the musical, i dont want to go to my award ceremony saturday, i dont wanna go to work (who does), and I'm not even really stressing over school. And i dont really want to be like this, the person who just doesnt care. I've been there, it wasnt fun. Over the summer i was completely apathetic to pretty much everything. I cant let myself be like that again. I need inspiration, motivation.

After driving home at 4 am in a blizzard, im not real scared of the snow anymore. It's back to being pretty again. Helplessly yet peacefully falling, blowing wherever the wind may carry it. Accepting of wherever it may forcefully land, to melt away, forgotten.

Currently Listening Blue By Third Eye Blind see related

APRIL FIRST! April First April First!!! hehehe.. if you care at all you probably know exactly what I'm talking about :)

Working on crew for the musical should be fun.. once things settle down a bit. It was rather chaotic/frustrating today at times, but it should be much smoother once we get it organized.

"It was a sunless day
It was a clumsy card house rape"

So I've had quite a few self-discovery type thoughts the last week or so. I realized I'm absolutely terrified to let in anyone new (romantic wise) hence the being single for so long. If i have any feelings for somebody its okay, but once they show any sign of liking me i completely shut them out.  yah, i know it sounds crazy.

I guess the whole thing probably stems from a certain incident, fueled by other mishaps, all lending themselves to my almost paranoid? view of relationships, or just getting to know someone in general. Its pretty crappy, having built all these barriers and not even realized it. Oh well, i guess it's something only I can overcome, right?

Anyway, thats enough thinking on that for now. I'ma go try to do something constructive.. like jump around in celebration of my Blue's return!

Currently Listening Thirteenth Step By A Perfect Circle see related

*Edit* I really need to come to terms with the fact that i do not own a race car. It's so much fun but such dissapointment. I think ive only ever won once. Somebody get me a faster car. I mean i love my Lucky, he just has no balls. However if it was endurance instead of speed, i garuntee i'd dominate anyone.

Tomorrow should be a good day. Tour dates announced and our shirts should arrive! **

Last night = Frat party. That was um.. interesting. Especially when the cops showed up to bust it and started handing out MIPs like candy. Honestly i'm a bit of a pansy and found the whole thing a bit intimidating. I prefer smaller, more intimate groups. The kind where you dont have to worry about date rape and police. Or maybe that kind of stuff is in and I'm just old fashioned lol. 
Overall i had a good time in Lincoln though.

So I'm lacking sleep and I'm pretty tired and I'm making confessions that just go to prove my complete lack of sanity. So i'm just gonna go to sleep now.. g'nite all.